Knowing.

Needless to say, I am still trying to adjust and will be for weeks I am sure of that, but the last two days have been especially difficult for whatever reason.  I lived in a house that was too big for me and my things for eight months with the company of only my dog.  I absolutely loved living by myself. If there was ever a mess to clean, it was mine. If I wanted to sing and dance around in my living room, I could.  No roommates, or roommates' boyfriends, or loud 4am wake up calls.  During that time, I had a friend tell me that I would be single forever because I liked living by myself too much.  True? Maybe.  Likely? Doubt it.  Anyway, my point is that I do love some "me time." 

Now living in a new house, with new people, in a different state where I don't know a single soul...all of which I was prepared for. I am employed by the same people that I live with.  I work in the house that I live in. The dilemna that I face is this: How do I know where to draw the line?  How do I know when to say "no" or in my case, politely decline? When I'm invited to do something with the family but haven't had a single minute to myself ALL day, how do I say..."I'd rather be alone."?  It sounds horrible, I know. This family is great. The kids are great and the parents absolutely love their kids. I enjoy spending time with all of them but I want to be able to maintain some separation.  When I decline an invitation to watch a movie, I see the look of disappointment on their faces and then I feel guilty so I end up joining them anyway.  I can't give in everytime or I'll lose sight of my own life and identity and be lost when I rejoin civilization on my own...or at least, that is my fear. So, my goal is to learn to spend enough time with them outside of my working hours, to keep them happy but to also spend enough time alone, to keep myself happy too!