I'm Back

Well friends, it was brought to my attention that I haven't posted in awhile.  Ok ok, it's been since July but don't think I've forgotten that I started up this blog and somewhat sort of promised you all that I would update you occasionally on my life as a nanny and life in general.

I know that summarizing is definitely NOT one of my stronger points, so I think it's only fair to just back up and fill you in on what I've been up to instead of trying to cram it all into one post... Because I know that is a task I would struggle with.

Let's back up to as far as...oh, May.  May was a hectic month.  I was busy finalizing plans for a bachelorette party to be held for my bff/bestie/p.i.c. (whatever cool word teens use these days).  It was also the end of the school year, which meant a lot of meetings, after school events, etc.  And to top that all off...I was VERY busy trying to prepare myself for an entire summer with Neil at home.

The bachelorette party was indeed a success.  A group of seven girls met in Kansas City for a weekend. We started the night off at a dueling piano bar.  We tipped the pianists a couple dollars and attached the names of songs to the bills.  We belted out songs and were named the loudest table by 9pm.  On our walk back to the hotel for an intermission, there was a bit of an accident.  Whomever was leading the group back to the hotel took a wrong turn and we ended up on the backside of the parking lot.  This parking lot was several feet below where we stood.  So, instead of walking around...we decided to take the short cut.  In the group of seven girls, five managed to make it down this eight foot concrete wall without a problem.  The bride-to-be and her maid of honor (...me) however, not so much.  It was sort of like 'Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill went tumbling after'.  She fell down off the wall and after seeing the AWFUL fall I was worried so I hurried and ended up falling too.  Thankfully nothing was permanently damaged, although for awhile we thought the bachelorette had broken her wrist.  The rest of the weekend was packed with fun including a limo cruise and dinner on the plaza. We ended the night at Power & Light where we retold the story from the night before to help explain the beautiful accessory she now adorned on her wrist and my fashionable band-aids that covered my shins.  All night it was..."Oh, and you should see the bride."  Or my favorite was walking into a group of strangers and having one say..."Let me see your legs!"  I had no idea the story had been told so I was a bit caught off guard!

Preparing for Neil to be home all summer was a daunting task.  I was racking my brain trying to come up with creative ways to entertain and fully engage these two toddlers meanwhile, keeping up with Neil.  It turned out that Neil and I got along pretty well.  He played with Shelby the majority of the time and actually ended up teaching her quite a bit.  With Neil and his sidekick Shelby busy fighting crime, I was able to spend a lot of quality time with Chelsea.  She'll be turning two on December second. She can already count to ten and recognize certain letters of the alphabet. She knows shapes and colors, too! With my experience working with children her age, I think it's safe to say that she's ahead of the game, and I'd like to think I have a lot to do with that, which makes me feel like I'm fulfilling the 'To-Do List' that God has handed me.

To Be Continued...

High School Days

Going to the movies today and being surrounded by teenage girls and boys, took me back to my high school days.  It has been five years since I graduated high school and moved away from my hometown.  The town that holds eighteen years of memories is now only a piece of my past.  It's mind blowing to think about who I was at eighteen and the plans and dreams I had, and the person I am...or am not today.   Relationships have ended, all for the better but not at all what I was convinced would happen.  Friendships have disintegrated, again...all for the better.  Some of the friends I had in high school were meant to be forever, but most were acquaintances meant to teach a lesson.  It isn't until after high school that we are truly able to find out who we are or want to be.  We can finally choose our friends for the right reasons.  When you graduate high school and are handed a diploma, you are also handed boundless freedom.  Freedom to make your own decisions and be whoever you want to be.  It's a scary time but plays such a vital role in your future.  These "kids" at the theater seemed so young to me, which made me happy to think that I've matured...at least a little bit.  I wanted to tell them that things wouldn't always be that way between their small group of friends, that in ten years they may look back and realize they never liked each other in the first place.  But, what's the fun in that? It's an experience they all must grow through...and teenagers never listen to adults anyway!

Open Your Eyes

Obviously, I haven't posted for awhile.  I don't honestly have a good reason, just that I wasn't feeling very inspired.  Over the last few weeks I have just sort of felt like there wasn't anything interesting or entertaining to write about.  I wake up at the same time every day during the week and run the same schedule every day.  I feed, dress, entertain, and cuddle with two very adorable little girls, all day. At least, that is how I have been feeling about my job.  I think it stems from me beginning to catch cabin fever.  I rarely get off of this property. It's so strange working and living in the same small confinements.  Now, I will be honest...their house is anything but small.  But, after being here all day and all night for a few days, it makes me feel like running free.  Literally, running...and I hate running.

I just had to take a step back and realize my purpose for being here.  I also had to immerse myself into a full day with the girls and pay attention to every aspect of a full day with them.  Pray and know that God is faithful.  I was truly blessed with exactly what I needed: A full day with the girls, baking cookies, teaching, inspiring, and bonding.  Shelby and I baked sugar cookies from scratch and decorated them with sprinkles that turned our fingers green.  The green was on our hands until the next day.  We painted pictures of Pooh and friends.  We built a fort in the living room, that Chelsea tore down.  Chelsea danced to the Wiggles...and then said WIGGLES!  We had a picnic outside for lunch and Shelby threw food to the birds.  Shelby recognized words in her book as we read during nap time.  It was just an all around great day.  Not because its events were any different from any other day, but because I slowed down and opened my eyes.  Every moment was mine that day. 

There will always be days when I just go through the motions to get through the day.  But I am grateful for the days like that day that make this decision worth it. 

Spring and all Spring Things

The weekend was beautiful here in Texas with a high in the upper 70s.  Saturday was uneventful and man am I happy about that.  I slept in. Showered and made a quick trip to Wal-Mart. Played outside with the girls.  Went to Sonic and indulged in a HUGE cherry limeade with extra limes.  Gave myself a pedicure.  Read out on the front porch, while leaning up against a pillar.  I love Spring.

Now onto the week and the end of March. Crazy how time flies.  Friday at 4am, I'll be on my way to Florida. Hoping the beautiful weather will follow me there. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll get a tan (tint).

Kansas Countdown

In one week I will be heading North to Kansas.  I will be spending an entire week there visiting friends, family, and probably having a few encounters with mere acquaintances.  I hope to get a few things taken care of while there.  I desparately need to play the 88 black and whites.  I have had a melody in my head for far too long and need to play it out and add to it.  The two octave keyboard dating back to the early 90s just isn't cutting it.  The room also doesn't have quite the atmosphere either.  I'm used to my mom hanging out in her office, listening to every note and sometimes if I'm lucky she'll come and add a few of her own here and there. 

I also need to see my best friend Taylor.  We have a lot to catch up on and a lot of planning to do.  Blessed with the honor of standing by her side on the most important day of her life, I will also be blessed with planning a bachelorette party, helping with a bridal shower, calming nerves, relieving tension and stress, and drumroll please............................writing AND DELIVERING a speech in front of all of their guests.  Yes, the girl with anxiety will be giving a speech.  I am one great procrastinator, but in this case, I think it would be best to start well, two months ago.  I have already started thinking of ideas, contemplating funny or heartfelt...or both?  Not to mention, length, topics, and how much truth I can share without embarassing the bride and groom terribly to a point they will no longer speak to me. 

I will also be making a trip with the mama out to Western Kansas for my nephew's birthday party.  There, I hope to be able to see all three of my brothers, and their families since my vacation time is limited.  I'll need to go see my beautiful Bella Dog at some point.  I feel like a bad mama for abandoning her, but I hear she's got a pretty great home.  I miss her like crazy.

I also miss the mama.  I miss hanging out with her.  I miss having someone around that knows me and gets me.  She knows me better than anyone.  Maybe she doesn't know all of my "secrets" or mistakes or events in my life, but as a person, she knows me.  I'm weird, goofy, and sometimes just off the wall strange.  Most people don't know that about me, but she does.  So...can't wait to see her!

Kansas Countdown: 7 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Planning

I received a letter in the mail just a couple of days ago.  This was a letter that packed a lot of hype into just one small envelope.  I laid it down on my bed and just let it sit there while I stared at it for a few minutes.  Had to prepare myself for the best and the worst.  Turns out, it's a good thing I prepared for both.  The plan I thought I had so expertly devised (especially from a girl who doesn't plan much), is now on hold for even longer than I had anticipated.  Ugh...  So, I moped around for a day, then got my act together, prayed, and am now back in planning mode.  My plan isn't working out so, on to Plan B, and if that doesn't work, Plan C.  Ultimately I'm finding confidence in the fact that it isn't my "plan" to start with, it's His.

Snow Please!

In just a few short weeks, I'll be back home in Kansas.  Haven't been gone long at all but just long enough to start truly missing special people and certain things.  I haven't decided how to spend my time or developed a plan of any sort.  I figure that I don't need to do anything special, just spend some quality time with those special people.  And by special I mean, truly loved, not...special in reference to mom's picture wall.

Needless to say I'm excited to head back up North but thinking it's too early to start a countdown and it also might be a little too much. Hmm...

In other news...

SNOW!!!!!!! At least I hope.  It's a wintery mess up north around Dallas.  It has reached as far as an hour north of Houston...so I've been giving Mother Nature my best pep talk all day so the snow will make it down to me.  One flake or one foot.  I don't really care but I just want some SNOW!  I promised Neil that I would make a snow angel even if we only get a light dusting.

What a Day

I spent the entire afternoon yesterday and some of the evening out on my own.  No time constraints.  Nobody to answer to.  I went to my first movie alone.  It was fun, minus the teeny bopper girls discussing their "boy drama."  One girl turns to the other and says, "Ok, so he like texts me and like tells me he like doesn't want to like be my boyfriend anymore because he like doesn't want to get too serious.  Should I like text him back and what should I say?  I don't know.  He's just too immature to get serious with anyway.  I need a real man, not a boy.  What should I say!?!?!?  I feel like asking one of these old people around us what I should do."  I looked around to see what she considered to be "old" and my guess is 20-25 years old.  Thanks little girl.  Had I not been trying desperately to stifle my laughter, I would've shared my experience with her. 

Made me think back to what I was like when I was her age.  Unfortunately...somewhat the same.  Naive to the world around me.  Consumed with a young relationship.  Boy, how times have changed.

Shelby was still awake when I got home and as soon as I walked in the door she ran to me and squealed!  She said, "Ms. Stephani! Ms. Stephani! I thought you were never coming home!  I have a story to tell you!"  So, I went upstairs and put my newly purchased books down and proceeded to go downstairs to listen to her story.  Brenda and I sat down on the couch waiting for Shelby to tell us the story.  Shelby gathers her thoughts and says, "Well...the other day, once upon a time, I was having a fun time playing with Neil's super ball and it was LELLOW (yellow) and bouncy (bounces) really high!  I watched it go down the potty and waved bye-bye to it.  Now Neil only has one bouncy ball."  Brenda and I looked at each other and I said, "You flushed a bouncy ball down the toilet?"  Brenda looks at Shelby, "Shelby...you're being silly. When did you do this?"  Shelby says matter of factly, "Thursday."   Long story short, we don't know when she actually did this but by the time it was all said and done, I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.  She proceeded to get a lesson on what can and cannot be flushed down the toilet.  Funny stuff.

Someday

Sitting at the table for breakfast this morning, eating pancakes that Shelby and I made together, I had a moment.  A moment where I realized how attached I am now to these two beautiful little girls.  A thought that lead to another thought about the future.  As I sat there eating my pancakes and observing the giggly little girls covered in sticky syrup, I wondered, hoped, and silently prayed that someday in the future I will be blessed with giggly children of my own. 

Indecisive

I've never been a girl that plans too much.  I don't thrive on a daily schedule and let that very schedule dictate every minute of my day.  I'm indecisive when it comes to little things.  Where should we eat dinner? I don't know, you choose.  What do you want to do tonight? Where do you want to go?  What movie should we see?  All of those questions almost always get the same answer from me.  I would just rather not make decisions that directly involve someone else.  I try not to be a picky eater, high-maintenance, extremely opinionated, overly selfish or inconsiderate...so letting my company choose is perfectly fine with me.  Now, put me in a room, car, boat, etc., with someone of the same make and Houston, we have a problem. 

Give me something that will inevitably effect the rest of my life...and I can make a decision.  It may not be the right one, but I always find my way back to the right path.

Fear

Anxiety.  Something I battle daily.  In fear and worry, my time is wasted daily.  No matter how big or how small the issue is, I give way to the gut-wrenching anxiety.  I've suffered from it my entire life but was too stubborn to recognize the fear.  I can remember so many times when I was younger when I'd be paralyzed with fear in a situation everyone else around me could handle with ease.  It makes a lot more sense now but at the time it was terrifying.  Anxiety Disorder is something a person more than likely won't understand unless they too have experienced the magnitude of a panic attack over some trivial thing. 

Picking up the phone is something that causes me great anxiety.  I rarely talk on the phone, whether it's answering when someone calls or pressing the send button to call them.  A friend of mine calls it 'send button phobia.'  It doesn't matter who it is on the other line, I always have anxiety when it comes to using the phone.  It isn't an excuse by any means, but makes it difficult to keep in touch with the people I care the most about.  The longer I put a phone call off, the worse it gets.  Today, the anxiety got the best of me. 

I turned to the Bible for clarity and guidance and this is what I found:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 4:6-7)

Just Give Me The Candy

Valentine's Day.  What to say about it...?  As I've grown up into the mature adult that I am (I know..funny, right?) my opinion and like or dislike rather of this very day has changed.  I've spent the last month watching cheesy commercials about how every kiss begins with Kay, nothing tells her you love her more than chocolate, and other over the top advertisements cluttered with mushy sentiments and products.  I walked into the grocery story today and actually saw a sign that said "nothing says love like a big hunk of cheese." Well, if the person receiving the cheese is lactose intolerant, I doubt that "I love you" will be the first words that come to their mind.

In elementary school, Valentine's Day was all about the candy.  It was rarely ever a day about love.  Just...CANDY!  In middle school it was a popularity contest to see who had the most valentine's stuck in their locker.  In high school it was somewhat the same but by then maybe you were "dating" someone and were forced by predetermined rules to participate and get your significant other something to prove your "love."  After high school things change.  Suddenly Valentine's Day becomes a constant Vegas-style flashing neon sign with the word "SINGLE" illuminated 24/7 for up to a month's time, if you're single that is.  Taken?  Then you have one month to plan the perfect date, buy the perfect gift, write the perfect card, figure out her favorite flowers, etc.  So much hype for just another day.  Why can't we go back to how things were in first grade?  Candy, candy, candy!  Afterall...I love candy.

So, Happy Valentine's Day to you all!  Single? May you be surrounded by great friends and good wine.  May you get to choose your own candy so you end up with something you like.  May you be spared the stress of planning the perfect dinner/date.  Taken?  May you realize the love you share every day of the year, not just on February 14th. May you spend the day strengthening your love.  May you promise to love and honor.

Happy Birthday

Tomorrow is my mama's birthday.  She reads this so I'll refrain from saying how young she will be.  It isn't a day that she likes to celebrate much, it never really has been.  There is nowhere I'd rather be, or anyone I'd rather be spending this coming Tuesday, February 9, 2010 with than the mama on a farm in Pawnee County, Kansas.  But...since I'm down here in Texas on this big adventure as everyone is calling it, it seems that I won't be able to watch her blow out birthday candles or even bake her a cake to put candles on.  I truly hope some sort of dessert is involved on her birthday...she loves german chocolate cake for those of you who are wondering!! (hint, hint!) 

My mom is the most special woman and person I know.  She's been dealt a pretty tricky hand in this life.  She is all heart.  She forgives and loves unconditionally.  She helps pick the puzzles pieces up and put them back together.  She's strong even though she may not believe it.  She teaches and isn't aware.  She is considerate and unselfish.  She does not seek attention, which is why she would go about tomorrow like it was any other day if everyone else would let her.

So, tomorrow is her birthday.  Maybe she won't be celebrating aging a year, but I would love to celebrate our mother-daughter relationship and what has now grown into a friendship, aging another year. 

Happy Birthday, Mama! I love you!

Happy

People come in and go out of our lives daily.  Our lives are like those fun revolving doors at hotels or buildings downtown.  Inviting someone into your life and then letting them stay is such a marvelous thing.  Some people come in uninvited and are forced to leave, while others are welcomed in and asked to stay.  How do we choose those people or more importantly, why are they chosen for us?

You meet someone new.  Fall into conversation.  Before you know it, they're the highlight of your day.  You don't know why they came into your life, how long they will stay, or what their purpose is but they make you happy.  Point is, the happiness is often wasted during the "why," "how," and "what" moments.  Learn to embrace the new face and the friendship that you've come into.  Live in the moment and just be. Happy.

Tomorrow Will Be Great

Today was just an average day.  Shelby said and did some really funny things.  Chelsea was a bit cranky because she's teething.  Neil talked my ear off and told me stories.  It rained...again.  It wasn't a great day but it wasn't a bad day either.  Average.  I've never understood why people get so upset about having a "bad day."  In theory, it could always be worse.  You got a flat on the way to work, spilled your coffee on your white shirt, printed 88 copies instead of 8 in a company copy room that is extremely "green" and the boss lives to recycle, hit rush hour traffic on the way home, got stuck for two hours behind a lady pushing 85 years, got home to a disaster in the living room that your kids made, burned the supper, didn't have cash to pay the delivery guy.  Bad day, or so you say.  But you have a car to drive, you have clean white shirts to keep you warm, a job at a company, kids to love and a home to clean.  It can always be worse.  Stop saying that you had a bad day and start saying tomorrow will be better.

Table for 16

Tonight I sat at a table of fifteen women, realizing I only know one of them and the truth is that I don't know her all that well.  Brenda was celebrating a friend's birthday tonight at Chili's and invited me to go with her.  As we were all gathered at a big table, conversation touched on several different topics.  I was enamored at the work gossip thrown around the table and the venting that seemed to get them all worked up.  Throw in a couple cosmopolitans and you've got a rowdy crowd.  I had no connection whatsoever so I had the pleasure of people watching with an open invitation!  It was great entertainment but even more than that, it was a great experience.  I sat around a table with fifteen women who were all very different from the next, listening to their life experiences from battling cancer to flatlining during childbirth.

I don't know how I ended up at that table and I don't know the plan God has for me. I'm still not sure what the reason was for being so drawn to this family in Texas but I do know that it's an adventure.  I'm just learning to embrace it as such.

Just Say No...To Acid Washed Jeans

Got out of the house tonight for a couple of hours with Neil.  In my job description it states something about taking Neil out once every two weeks, just the two of us.  Tonight we went to the Star Cinema Grill to eat and watch a movie.  He chose The Tooth Fairy.  Surprisingly enough it was actually pretty funny.  People seem surprised that Dwayne Johnson can act...but isn't that what the WWE is? Acting? 

Neil is eight.  He never stops talking.  His imagination runs full speed at all times.  I have a hard time locking my attention in on him especially with two toddlers running around tipping chairs and pushing lamps off the end tables.  I can rarely follow and keep up with his conversation so I'm trying to learn how to time my head nods and "mm hmm's" just right.  He's smart, very smart for an eight year old.  Makes me curious to know who he'll be in ten years.

Oh, and he LOVES 80s music, just like his dad.  Driving home tonight I was scanning through radio stations and just happened to land on an 80s rock station.  Some Metallica song came on and Neil literally screamed, "TURN IT UP, THIS SONG TOTALLY ROCKS!"  He was head banging with his fists in the air the entire time.  Neil says we got lucky because we hit the station right at the VERY BEGINNING of the song.  I was almost as thrilled as he was.  (Insert sarcasm and eye-rolling as you see fit)

Note:  80s music makes me cringe. :)

Stop and Smell the Roses

This weekend I took a little roadtrip up to the hill country. Beautiful hill country. Grandpa Jack and Grandma Lois were up there for awhile and invited me up to visit for the weekend.  In my twenty-three years I've been to a few different states and visited a few different sites but have never really experienced them.  I've lived in Texas for two weeks now and have really grown to like the change of scenery but still miss Kansas and the people there.  Driving up to the parking lot of Walgreen's in Burnet, Texas and seeing my grandparents wave from their van was like being home again. 

Texas is beautiful.  For the first time I was able to really see the world around me.  In Kansas I never paid any attention because it was home and nothing new.  Out here everything is new.  The weather is different.  The people are different.  The driving is different.  Nothing is familiar.  For the first time, I was able to stop and take it all in:  the sound of the water rippling in the lake at the resort, the absolutely huge logs that constructed the houses at another resort, the smell of the fresh country air, the stars shining bright.  Stop and smell the roses is a cliche that gets tossed around a lot but really hit home this weekend. 

I was also able to spend some really great quality time with my grandparents.  I hadn't realized but it has been years since we've done that.  Just the three of us.  We played skip-bo last night and I had to get a quick refresher course on the rules (I'm still not sure how many were legitimate rules and how many were their own).  My opinion may be a bit biased but nonetheless, they are truly two of the most amazing people I know and the best grandparents anyone could ask for.  They have some of the best stories to tell and tell them so well.  I was entertained all weekend.  Lightbulbs magically turned on in the cabinets and Kaboom was left to dry on the shower doors. 

Driving home late this afternoon and on into this evening, I was able to take in a beautiful Texas sunset and then before entering the city, able to see the stars again.  It was a relaxing weekend full of love, entertainment, sharing memories and telling stories and also making new memories. 
My goal is to try harder to open my eyes and truly see the beautiful world that God has created.

Knowing.

Needless to say, I am still trying to adjust and will be for weeks I am sure of that, but the last two days have been especially difficult for whatever reason.  I lived in a house that was too big for me and my things for eight months with the company of only my dog.  I absolutely loved living by myself. If there was ever a mess to clean, it was mine. If I wanted to sing and dance around in my living room, I could.  No roommates, or roommates' boyfriends, or loud 4am wake up calls.  During that time, I had a friend tell me that I would be single forever because I liked living by myself too much.  True? Maybe.  Likely? Doubt it.  Anyway, my point is that I do love some "me time." 

Now living in a new house, with new people, in a different state where I don't know a single soul...all of which I was prepared for. I am employed by the same people that I live with.  I work in the house that I live in. The dilemna that I face is this: How do I know where to draw the line?  How do I know when to say "no" or in my case, politely decline? When I'm invited to do something with the family but haven't had a single minute to myself ALL day, how do I say..."I'd rather be alone."?  It sounds horrible, I know. This family is great. The kids are great and the parents absolutely love their kids. I enjoy spending time with all of them but I want to be able to maintain some separation.  When I decline an invitation to watch a movie, I see the look of disappointment on their faces and then I feel guilty so I end up joining them anyway.  I can't give in everytime or I'll lose sight of my own life and identity and be lost when I rejoin civilization on my own...or at least, that is my fear. So, my goal is to learn to spend enough time with them outside of my working hours, to keep them happy but to also spend enough time alone, to keep myself happy too!

The Sound of Music

The Sound of Music is a classic. By far one of the most memorable films I have ever seen. I only wish I spoke with an accent identical to that of Julie Andrews. Mary Poppins was great, too! Today I needed a Mary Poppins bag of tricks. Shelby wanted to see a monkey, then she wanted the sun to shine instead of it raining all day, then it was food from the Rain Forest Cafe, a bucket of candy, a root beer in a bottle, and a tub of bendy straws...none of which we had. 

Today was also a day that I was unexpectedly blessed with insight into a three year old's thought process. She wanted so badly to bake cookies today. I was tired, had a headache and wasn't sure I wanted to go through the flour sifting/spilling, egg shell hunting, 2-3 hour process WITH a typical three year old who has an attention span of 5 minutes or less. I gave in...and then realized Shelby wasn't talking about actually making cookie dough from scratch, there was pillsbury cookie dough in the fridge. The only things I had to do were set the oven and hunt for a cookie sheet. Something so simple made her day. She told me I was the best ever and then gave me a giant hug. When I took them out of the oven we were watching Peter Pan and she asked if I grew up...my answer? "I'm working on it, Shelby." She smiled, laughed and then said..."Good cause grown-ups can drive me to Rain Forest Cafe!"

I am constantly entertained by this little girl. She's smart and picks up things so fast. And here's a video to prove just how dang cute she is.
http://www.vimeo.com/8880770

I'm a blogger...

What to write on my first official blogging session... I already spent so much time reviewing and editing all of the settings now I am finding it hard to remember what it is I wanted to say in this first one. Hate it when that happens. Oh well, the show must go on...

A New Journey...
Someone told me the other day that I was "lucky" to have the opportunity to pick up my life, relocate and start all over.  That isn't luck, it's a choice. I don't see this move as starting over, but as a new journey and experience. I've been asked what it is that I'm running away from in Kansas. I'm not running from anything or anyone. I "ran" toward an opportunity that I worked for.  I put in the hours of research and "job hunting" and didn't settle with the first offer thrown on the table.  This was a big step and I had to make it a very careful and detail oriented process.

Becoming a nanny is something I've talked about doing since I was in high school. But up until two months ago, that's all I had done was simply talk about it. Finally, I got up the nerve to propose the idea to my mom, expecting to be dissuaded against it but to my surprise, she supported me. So, there it was. What I needed to start the process was the afirmation of my mother's support, afterall, her opinion is the one that matters most to me.

The next step was to do research. Nobody has really understood the hours I had to put in to make sure I didn't end up on some scam website or scooped up by a family of lunatics. I joined websites for nannies and families to be matched up and created a profile on each of them. I was as down right honest as I could be without scaring people off after only reading the first open-ended question! Since I had no prior nanny experience I just figured getting matched with a great family that was open to that was going to be impossible.  I was wrong, yes, I admit it.  I quickly began receiving e-mails and phone calls from families all over the country. Some of them were definite "no's" right off but a lot of them seemed so great but just weren't the family for me.  After a two month long search I was blessed with the family that would soon become my Texas family.

On January 8, 2010, I packed up my car and left my mom, sister and stepdad behind on a farm in Kansas. On January 9, 2010, I pulled up into the driveway of my new home. I have now put in a full week with the family and can honestly say that I don't regret my decision. I'm fresh out of champagne or I would celebrate and toast to taking a giant leap and kicking my debilitating anxiety's bum. :)

More to come...