Planning

I received a letter in the mail just a couple of days ago.  This was a letter that packed a lot of hype into just one small envelope.  I laid it down on my bed and just let it sit there while I stared at it for a few minutes.  Had to prepare myself for the best and the worst.  Turns out, it's a good thing I prepared for both.  The plan I thought I had so expertly devised (especially from a girl who doesn't plan much), is now on hold for even longer than I had anticipated.  Ugh...  So, I moped around for a day, then got my act together, prayed, and am now back in planning mode.  My plan isn't working out so, on to Plan B, and if that doesn't work, Plan C.  Ultimately I'm finding confidence in the fact that it isn't my "plan" to start with, it's His.

Snow Please!

In just a few short weeks, I'll be back home in Kansas.  Haven't been gone long at all but just long enough to start truly missing special people and certain things.  I haven't decided how to spend my time or developed a plan of any sort.  I figure that I don't need to do anything special, just spend some quality time with those special people.  And by special I mean, truly loved, not...special in reference to mom's picture wall.

Needless to say I'm excited to head back up North but thinking it's too early to start a countdown and it also might be a little too much. Hmm...

In other news...

SNOW!!!!!!! At least I hope.  It's a wintery mess up north around Dallas.  It has reached as far as an hour north of Houston...so I've been giving Mother Nature my best pep talk all day so the snow will make it down to me.  One flake or one foot.  I don't really care but I just want some SNOW!  I promised Neil that I would make a snow angel even if we only get a light dusting.

What a Day

I spent the entire afternoon yesterday and some of the evening out on my own.  No time constraints.  Nobody to answer to.  I went to my first movie alone.  It was fun, minus the teeny bopper girls discussing their "boy drama."  One girl turns to the other and says, "Ok, so he like texts me and like tells me he like doesn't want to like be my boyfriend anymore because he like doesn't want to get too serious.  Should I like text him back and what should I say?  I don't know.  He's just too immature to get serious with anyway.  I need a real man, not a boy.  What should I say!?!?!?  I feel like asking one of these old people around us what I should do."  I looked around to see what she considered to be "old" and my guess is 20-25 years old.  Thanks little girl.  Had I not been trying desperately to stifle my laughter, I would've shared my experience with her. 

Made me think back to what I was like when I was her age.  Unfortunately...somewhat the same.  Naive to the world around me.  Consumed with a young relationship.  Boy, how times have changed.

Shelby was still awake when I got home and as soon as I walked in the door she ran to me and squealed!  She said, "Ms. Stephani! Ms. Stephani! I thought you were never coming home!  I have a story to tell you!"  So, I went upstairs and put my newly purchased books down and proceeded to go downstairs to listen to her story.  Brenda and I sat down on the couch waiting for Shelby to tell us the story.  Shelby gathers her thoughts and says, "Well...the other day, once upon a time, I was having a fun time playing with Neil's super ball and it was LELLOW (yellow) and bouncy (bounces) really high!  I watched it go down the potty and waved bye-bye to it.  Now Neil only has one bouncy ball."  Brenda and I looked at each other and I said, "You flushed a bouncy ball down the toilet?"  Brenda looks at Shelby, "Shelby...you're being silly. When did you do this?"  Shelby says matter of factly, "Thursday."   Long story short, we don't know when she actually did this but by the time it was all said and done, I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.  She proceeded to get a lesson on what can and cannot be flushed down the toilet.  Funny stuff.

Someday

Sitting at the table for breakfast this morning, eating pancakes that Shelby and I made together, I had a moment.  A moment where I realized how attached I am now to these two beautiful little girls.  A thought that lead to another thought about the future.  As I sat there eating my pancakes and observing the giggly little girls covered in sticky syrup, I wondered, hoped, and silently prayed that someday in the future I will be blessed with giggly children of my own. 

Indecisive

I've never been a girl that plans too much.  I don't thrive on a daily schedule and let that very schedule dictate every minute of my day.  I'm indecisive when it comes to little things.  Where should we eat dinner? I don't know, you choose.  What do you want to do tonight? Where do you want to go?  What movie should we see?  All of those questions almost always get the same answer from me.  I would just rather not make decisions that directly involve someone else.  I try not to be a picky eater, high-maintenance, extremely opinionated, overly selfish or inconsiderate...so letting my company choose is perfectly fine with me.  Now, put me in a room, car, boat, etc., with someone of the same make and Houston, we have a problem. 

Give me something that will inevitably effect the rest of my life...and I can make a decision.  It may not be the right one, but I always find my way back to the right path.

Fear

Anxiety.  Something I battle daily.  In fear and worry, my time is wasted daily.  No matter how big or how small the issue is, I give way to the gut-wrenching anxiety.  I've suffered from it my entire life but was too stubborn to recognize the fear.  I can remember so many times when I was younger when I'd be paralyzed with fear in a situation everyone else around me could handle with ease.  It makes a lot more sense now but at the time it was terrifying.  Anxiety Disorder is something a person more than likely won't understand unless they too have experienced the magnitude of a panic attack over some trivial thing. 

Picking up the phone is something that causes me great anxiety.  I rarely talk on the phone, whether it's answering when someone calls or pressing the send button to call them.  A friend of mine calls it 'send button phobia.'  It doesn't matter who it is on the other line, I always have anxiety when it comes to using the phone.  It isn't an excuse by any means, but makes it difficult to keep in touch with the people I care the most about.  The longer I put a phone call off, the worse it gets.  Today, the anxiety got the best of me. 

I turned to the Bible for clarity and guidance and this is what I found:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 4:6-7)

Just Give Me The Candy

Valentine's Day.  What to say about it...?  As I've grown up into the mature adult that I am (I know..funny, right?) my opinion and like or dislike rather of this very day has changed.  I've spent the last month watching cheesy commercials about how every kiss begins with Kay, nothing tells her you love her more than chocolate, and other over the top advertisements cluttered with mushy sentiments and products.  I walked into the grocery story today and actually saw a sign that said "nothing says love like a big hunk of cheese." Well, if the person receiving the cheese is lactose intolerant, I doubt that "I love you" will be the first words that come to their mind.

In elementary school, Valentine's Day was all about the candy.  It was rarely ever a day about love.  Just...CANDY!  In middle school it was a popularity contest to see who had the most valentine's stuck in their locker.  In high school it was somewhat the same but by then maybe you were "dating" someone and were forced by predetermined rules to participate and get your significant other something to prove your "love."  After high school things change.  Suddenly Valentine's Day becomes a constant Vegas-style flashing neon sign with the word "SINGLE" illuminated 24/7 for up to a month's time, if you're single that is.  Taken?  Then you have one month to plan the perfect date, buy the perfect gift, write the perfect card, figure out her favorite flowers, etc.  So much hype for just another day.  Why can't we go back to how things were in first grade?  Candy, candy, candy!  Afterall...I love candy.

So, Happy Valentine's Day to you all!  Single? May you be surrounded by great friends and good wine.  May you get to choose your own candy so you end up with something you like.  May you be spared the stress of planning the perfect dinner/date.  Taken?  May you realize the love you share every day of the year, not just on February 14th. May you spend the day strengthening your love.  May you promise to love and honor.

Happy Birthday

Tomorrow is my mama's birthday.  She reads this so I'll refrain from saying how young she will be.  It isn't a day that she likes to celebrate much, it never really has been.  There is nowhere I'd rather be, or anyone I'd rather be spending this coming Tuesday, February 9, 2010 with than the mama on a farm in Pawnee County, Kansas.  But...since I'm down here in Texas on this big adventure as everyone is calling it, it seems that I won't be able to watch her blow out birthday candles or even bake her a cake to put candles on.  I truly hope some sort of dessert is involved on her birthday...she loves german chocolate cake for those of you who are wondering!! (hint, hint!) 

My mom is the most special woman and person I know.  She's been dealt a pretty tricky hand in this life.  She is all heart.  She forgives and loves unconditionally.  She helps pick the puzzles pieces up and put them back together.  She's strong even though she may not believe it.  She teaches and isn't aware.  She is considerate and unselfish.  She does not seek attention, which is why she would go about tomorrow like it was any other day if everyone else would let her.

So, tomorrow is her birthday.  Maybe she won't be celebrating aging a year, but I would love to celebrate our mother-daughter relationship and what has now grown into a friendship, aging another year. 

Happy Birthday, Mama! I love you!

Happy

People come in and go out of our lives daily.  Our lives are like those fun revolving doors at hotels or buildings downtown.  Inviting someone into your life and then letting them stay is such a marvelous thing.  Some people come in uninvited and are forced to leave, while others are welcomed in and asked to stay.  How do we choose those people or more importantly, why are they chosen for us?

You meet someone new.  Fall into conversation.  Before you know it, they're the highlight of your day.  You don't know why they came into your life, how long they will stay, or what their purpose is but they make you happy.  Point is, the happiness is often wasted during the "why," "how," and "what" moments.  Learn to embrace the new face and the friendship that you've come into.  Live in the moment and just be. Happy.

Tomorrow Will Be Great

Today was just an average day.  Shelby said and did some really funny things.  Chelsea was a bit cranky because she's teething.  Neil talked my ear off and told me stories.  It rained...again.  It wasn't a great day but it wasn't a bad day either.  Average.  I've never understood why people get so upset about having a "bad day."  In theory, it could always be worse.  You got a flat on the way to work, spilled your coffee on your white shirt, printed 88 copies instead of 8 in a company copy room that is extremely "green" and the boss lives to recycle, hit rush hour traffic on the way home, got stuck for two hours behind a lady pushing 85 years, got home to a disaster in the living room that your kids made, burned the supper, didn't have cash to pay the delivery guy.  Bad day, or so you say.  But you have a car to drive, you have clean white shirts to keep you warm, a job at a company, kids to love and a home to clean.  It can always be worse.  Stop saying that you had a bad day and start saying tomorrow will be better.